Today Roman Wild died.
I know this because my tweetstream is full of sad, tear-filled updates; because I read the spoilers a month or so ago and learned that would be his fate; because I knew the actor was leaving the show and had a feeling they'd be going in that direction rather than letting him head off to Hamburg for a seminar and never come home.
I know this, but I haven't seen it. I haven't watched Alles Was Zaehlt for months, and even when most of my online AWZ-friends were returning for the last story arc, I couldn't bring myself to join them.
TV deaths hit me hard, y'all.
I get invested in characters all the time. I follow their relationships and struggles, I worry about their choices, I connect to their hopes and dreams. If well written and acted, I'm *there*.
Which is why, when a beloved character is killed off on one of my shows, it guts me. I was a wreck when Reid was offed by a literal and figurative train wreck on ATWT; I still mourn for Ianto from Torchwood.
By all accounts, Roman's passing has been an incredible story arc, and I'm sure it doesn't suffer from Needless Death For Emotional Manipulation And Stupid Plotlines, as happened to Ianto and Reid. People who are watching are full of praise for the tour de force acting. I'm sure, if I could watch with a little more distance, I would be blown away by the skill invested in this final storyline.
But I don't have distance. I love Roman, with all his quirks and foibles and all-too-human weaknesses, with his strength and fierce determination and all-encompassing love for the people who matter to him. And I can't be there for this story now. Sometimes I wish I could. But then, if I could, I wouldn't be me, would I?
Best wishes to Dennis Grabosch, who created one of the most memorable characters I've ever seen on screen; kudos to Igor Dolgatschew for meeting him step by step along the way in a pairing that made both of them stronger actors.
And hugs and tissues for those who are watching. Maybe someday I'll be able to do the same.